The Headline

The headline to the story is a high level summary of what one can expect.   It is meant to communicate, tantalize and intrigue.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to think about my personal headlines.  I was driving to the eastside of greater Seattle to have coffee with a valued friend.  This was an individual who I had not seen in too-long-of-a-time.    My intent was to reconnect and communicate importance.   Meanwhile, there I was. . stuck in some suburban traffic hellhole that was frustrating beyond belief.   My base instinct, upon greeting my friend was to vent (in what now will be  known as an Anthony Scaramucci-style rant).   "This (expletive deleted) traffic just SUCKS!"

I did not do this (because I thought about it);    that opening line, that headline would not have set the stage for all of the good that I wanted to have happen.  My headline instead was, "It is so good to see you - I have really missed you."

Often I think we face similar situations;   in our minds our purpose and intent is positive and clear - but often we end up blurting out a knee-jerk reaction or our emotion of the moment.   We have to ask ourselves - are we setting up positive reactions with our audience?

We know the place we are coming from. . .but our audience does not.   That first point of contact, that headline, is critical in setting expectations.    A random comment about what we feel at the moment often doesn't create positive anticipation;  a genuine statement about our intent and our primary purpose not only creates framework, but contributes to the good intent of the conversation.

People who are really good at speech making know this dynamic.  Strong marketers know this.   You only have a few seconds at the beginning to truly engage the people with whom you are conversing.

What are your headlines?

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.

The Wealth to Lead. . .

Creeping into American culture (especially political culture) is the idea that if someone is monetarily rich they are automatically qualified to lead significant parts of society.  The theory goes that if they have been skilled enough to amass currency, stocks and bonds. . .then they certainly are qualified to warrant the following of the masses.

Let me be very clear on two things:   I don't think that having a lot of money is a bad thing - in fact, it often is a  very good thing.    I also don't think that having a lot of money automatically qualifies someone to take a position of leadership.

Yet, I believe that leaders need to be wealthy. . .

Leaders need to have significant internal fortitude and organic confidence so that they are not shaken by every perceived slight. . .or everything that goes wrong.

Leaders need to be rich in relationships. . .with their peers, with their bosses, with those they have the privilege of leading.

A wealth of knowledge. . .and the desire to learn more is key for leadership.

People that others want to follow have an abundance of respect for diversity. . .this not only includes racial, religious, sexual orientation, etc. . .but it includes the multiple layers of economic diversity.   And by respect, I mean the ability to understand, or at least want to understand, how others live and how others think.  This is essential for a strong team and a strong society.

Leaders are rich in empathy.

Strong leaders have huge vaults of compassion, integrity, honesty. . .and most of all, selflessness that are available to use on demand.

Strong leaders are wealthy in emotional intelligence.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.

That Extra Word . . .or Two

This is dedicated to the idea that the relationship is everything. . .and that often it is incredibly easy to establish and build upon a relationship.   Sometimes just a word or two. . .

I received an e-mail today from a business that I haven't  frequented for a long time;  it was part of a process of setting an appointment.   The sign-off on the very polite e-mail was this:  Happy (Almost!) Friday.

Those parenthesis and the  "almost!" were a such a great touch.     The writer broke away from the form and in a very convivial style  put in a little personality - a little extra effort that was made just for me.  And it made me feel good.

Similarly, I often consider why it is that a coffee shop can be directly across the street from Starbucks and often the Starbucks has the long lines of customers that breed envy from the competition.   From my personal experience, it's the difference in the way the person behind the Starbuck's counter  treats me.   More consistently, they are usually friendly, ask how I'm doing. . .and in a very informal fashion communicate to me that I'm important.  (And if you've ever taken a Starbuck's customer satisfaction survey, you know that one of the key questions is "The team member made an effort to get to know me.")

Such small gestures that carry such  great power.   Simple things: 

An acknowledgment in the hallway.

A smile.

"Good morning, how was your commute today?"  

Opening the door for someone.  

"Thank you for generating that report." 

"What you did today was genius." 

"I'm so glad you took the initiative today."

Or even, "I want you to know that I care about your welfare - I want you to take a vacation/day off/leave a few hours early."

These extra words. . .the kind gesture. . .it all goes so far to establish a relationship.

And the relationship is everything.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.

Right in the Center

Every once in awhile I do this self-check:  am I centered?  Am I eating right?  Exercising?   Thoughts both positive and realistic?   Driven by the opportunities ahead?  Am I generally happy?  All of these are strong indicators to me that I am centered.

There is another center I consider.   For almost every issue, emotion and realm of possibility - there are two extremes. . .and a world of options in between those extremes.   For instance, is a person a controller or not a controller at all?  Does an issue require someone stepping in and taking charge or no intervention at all?  Is someone very conservative or very liberal?  When considering buying a house - should we spend our very last penny - or should we not buy at all and save every last penny?  Almost everything we face in life could be described in this type of sliding scale between two extremes.

What I find comforting in looking at life through this lens of  sliding scales is that it presents so many possibilities.   Often we come to believe the solution is either black or white, one extreme or the other. . .but the creativity in problem solving (and life living) is often in the greys.

Here too, I find myself often seeking the center of whatever scale I am considering.   Since we have many options, there are occasions I'm more inclined to one extreme or the other.   Let's take the issue of control.    If a project is floundering and there are a lack of resources - I may go more to the extreme of stepping in and taking total control.   If, on the other hand, things are running very smoothly, I will go more to the extreme of no intervention whatsoever.  More commonly, however, I find myself working in a range that is closer to the center

This ability, this creativity allows us to better prioritize and meet whatever needs we are facing.  If we always respond to issues in one extreme or another - it gives us very little flexibility to address issues quickly.

This brings me to the opening paragraph.   I find that if I work in the center of these sliding scales of opportunity - I am usually healthier, more productive, happier. . .in short, I am more centered.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.