Why "I'm in a pissy mood" May Be Okay

I've come to the conclusion that "I'm in a pissy mood" may be, in rare instances, an okay leadership statement.  (Well, okay, maybe not said  exactly like that - something akin to  "Not having the best day - so if my energy seems low - don't take it personal"  will suffice.)

Under the header of "none of us are perfect (no matter how much we may like to believe we are)" we all have bad days.    To own it, and admit it to the workforce, is actually a very strong action.

To pretend that we aren't in a bad mood (when we really are) does both our team and us a disservice.  The energy it takes to  slap on a plastic mask of "gee-what-a-great-day" is usually not well spent.   Teams see through that type of artifice (and if they can't you are seriously Oscar-worthy).

There are a few caveats here.    Being good human beings, we probably should probably use this advice on the very rare occasion  (because, truly, there is so much to be thankful for).    If it's a daily occurrence, you are in the wrong profession.   Or need a Xanax.  Or both.

Also - admitting to being in a "state" does not give you license for a personal day of "reign of terror."  It does not give you license to spew forth all of the snarky comments you've held inside for the past 19 years.

Here's what the statement does accomplish.

• If you are in a bad mood - you don't need to fake it.  You can honestly own it.  From my own personal experience - somehow that makes it better.     The day goes better if you just say "You know what - not at my best - I'm just going to work with that."
• You have given your team a frame of reference.   If you are not your usual smiling, friendly, let-me-win-Mr.-Ms.-Congeniality self; they know why.    Because you have given them a reason - they won't take it personally.   If you don't own up to it - people will key into your mood and instinctively start to wonder what they did.   When this happens, the entire team starts to turn upside down.
• When you own it - it will change the way the team interacts with you on that day.     They are less likely to bring up the non-urgent, but irritating stuff that is embedded in daily work.    That helps you.  As a side benefit, if the team takes it upon themselves to manage those little irritating things, without involving you, then you've all learned a good lesson.

Often leaders are Superwoman and Superman.   But we are also human, with human emotions and needs.   That means that the rare day is not as good as the rest.  Own it.  Admit it.   And yes, you can even lead with it.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for e-readers, tablets and PCs on Amazon Kindle.

. . .And I'm Still a Bitch

True story.  Former team member sees former boss after approximately a ten year hiatus.  Former team member tries to set a positive tone (names have been changed).

"Gloria, you look great. . .you haven't changed a bit."

Gloria responds, "And I'm still a bitch."

Would you like a bellman for that baggage?  Obviously there was some background to the comment, whether the team leader had genuinely been unprofessional or whether it had been a perception of the team members.   Regardless, that morning when Gloria got up and got ready for work, she took that mantle of "I'm a bitch" from that all-too-accessible place in her closet and wore it on her shoulders all day long.

So the question  is,  what mantles do you choose to wear to work that perhaps do not serve you, or the team, so well.    Domineering?   Timid?   Control Freak?     Whether these perceptions are something that we've earned over the years, or are things that  wrongful opinion have bestowed upon us. . .we still have the option of deciding whether we want to "wear" these mantles.

Often we get so in the groove of work that we fail to consciously think about what we really think of ourselves in the workplace;  I am of the belief that many people hate work so much because they hate themselves at work.   Their professional personas are so different than what they want to project that work becomes eight hours of being someone they really don't want to be. , ,or even like.

The good news is that we can, and should, choose each and every day who we want to be at work.   In this process we should be aware of the personality that we've created at work and honestly evaluate if that is the person we want to be.    We should also be aware of how much of our work persona has been bestowed upon us by others ("she's a workaholic, he's a perfectionist, they're pretty much unapproachable) and actively decide how much of that we want adopt. . .and how much of that we need to leave by the roadside.

The freeing thought here is that neither the past nor other's opinions should dictate who we are at work.

We should positively start each day with who we genuinely want to be in the workplace. .  . in other words, want we want to wear to work.  Collaborative?   Inspired?     Fun to be around?   One of the most valued leaders?  Just like you decide which shoes to wear, decide which mantle you wish to wear to work today.


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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders"  is available for e-readers, PCs and tablets from Amazon Kindle.

Rand Paul Goofs

Paul Rand blew it.

Shortly after announcing his candidacy for President of the United States, he did an interview with Savannah Guthrie and the results were. . .well, unsettling.

Here's the link:

http://www.today.com/news/rand-paul-iran-nuclear-deal-im-going-keep-open-mind-2D80592771

Lesson One:
As a comparative newcomer with different ideas, a platform such as The Today Show provides Senator Paul with an extraordinary opportunity to make his case.  Instead, the interview is noted for the fact that he attempted to school a reporter.  Let's not miss opportunities simply because we cannot hold it together.

Lesson Two:
The dynamics of an interview include the fact that the reporter gets to ask questions and the interviewee gets to answer them.    That's the exchange.  Instead, Senator Paul took a 90 degree turn and decided to take on Savannah Guthrie.    Let's stick to the conversation and align with the rules of civility - it's our best chance to make our voice heard.

Lesson Three:
Seriously, who is better liked?   Savannah Guthrie or Rand Paul?  Presidential candidates need to be liked to get votes.  By alienating Savannah Guthrie, and thus her fans, Senator Paul missed an opportunity to align himself with someone who is popular.  Never, ever estimate the professional value of being truly liked. . .and the honest alliances that can foster that.

Lesson Four:
If you listen carefully, it is Senator Paul who initially interrupts Guthrie, yet he then chides her to not talk over him.  Don't get it twisted.

Lesson Five:
To the core of Guthrie's question, Rand Paul has changed his position, over the course of many years.   It is anybody's privilege to do that.   The world changes and thus, opinions change.  Toward the end of the interview, in discussing the threat posed by Iran, he gets it right.   If he had just owned it up front and explained why he changed his opinion he would have positioned himself as a strong student of international politics vs. someone who got pissy with a reporter.  Own it.

Here's the thing - he's a smart guy, he's articulate - and he lost a  major opportunity with no provocation.   Let's not do the same.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for e-readers, tablets and PCs on Amazon Kindle.

Indiana Lessons

From every event in life. . .from every sideshow, there are lessons to be learned.    Which is why we are talking about the debacle that was/is Indiana's RFRA law.

1.   Be realistic to the world that surrounds you.   When Indiana lawmakers were thinking of passing the RFRA, I would hope that someone had the awareness to say, "You know, if we pass this thing the wrath of major corporations and nearly every blue state will come upon us. . .not to mention a sizable portion of the state of Indiana itself."   And yet, they did it anyway.  Or, worse yet, the Indiana General Assembly was so into itself that perhaps it thought it was being a shining beacon for the world. . .instead of a lightning rod.

Whatever the case, the Indiana Assembly was clearly out of step with the larger, and very important issues facing Indiana, the nation and the world today.       Often I see the same things happen in companies. . .they realize that what they are about to do is radically out of tune with their constituency - yet they insist on doing it anyway.   And then, justifiably so, they face the wrath of their employees and customers.  

Let's be smarter and wiser. . .sooner.  As leaders, let's take a realistic measure, daily, of the world that surrounds us and tailor our leadership to what people really need.

2.   Be careful of the spin - it will get you.   The more that Governor Pence insisted that the RFRA was not  aimed at the LGBT community, the more photos started popping up of prominent anti-LGBT individuals present with the Governor at his signing of the law.   Learn this:  ultimately you can not claim that something wasn't what you intended it to be.

Lesson:   from the get go, be very certain of your intent and be honest about it.

3.   Get out of your own BS.     There is one line that drives me more crazy than any other;   unfortunately, I've heard several variations of it lately, but in this case, it came from a pizzeria.  Paraphrasing:     "We don't discriminate;   we just won't offer members of the LGBT community what we offer to everyone else."    That, folks, is discrimination.  Seriously, if you can't be honest with yourself you cannot be honest with the rest of the world.   Similarly,   "team members are my top priority," and then not making time for them.     "People are our greatest resource,"  only to cut staffing to preserve Wall Street's perception of your management acumen.

When things like Indiana's RFRA comes along, I would hope, first and foremost, that we would object;   secondly, from everything that went wrong, I hope we can learn to do things better.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders," is available on Amazon Kindle.