At a family function my son, who is a senior in high school, surprised me by saying that he would miss school. He said he likes it; this following 11 years of perhaps not liking it so much (save for music!). So why does he like school now? He has a study hall with a teacher. . .and they discuss stuff like economics and politics and world view. Because he is engaged in a conversation - he is enjoying this learning. And because he is enjoying this learning - he is learning so much more.
His experience rings true for me. The teachers I remember the most, the ones I learned the most from, were those teachers who engaged in conversation in the classroom. We had discussions! We addressed what were the hot topics of the day (coincidentally, still the hot topics). We learned how to interchange, how to research, how to civilly present viewpoints and either agree to disagree or come to consensus.
It is a pity that currently we force our teachers to prep (and prep and prep) their students to do better and better on standardized tests (Education should not be a competitive battlefield folks) and in the process, we negate the value of learning through dialogue and experience.
It is a pity that in the workforce we often to the same thing. We press and press toward higher and better KPIs, and in that process, we ignore the value and the education offered by simply having a conversation. That ability to exchange ideas, to be proponents and opponents, to learn from one another is one of the things that I personally find exciting about business. It is that process that perpetuates innovation, that allows us to agree to disagree or build consensus, that creates vitality.
And. . .it builds integration. It is those conversations that enable us to reveal more of ourselves and through that revelation we learn how to benefit from others and others learn how to interchange with us. Just like conversations in the classroom, it creates personal relevancy. Relevancy means we are judged as important, and when we are important, we like what we do.
Yes, standards and measures are important; however, we can't just "go there" without foundational work. Conversations form those foundations.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, April 28, 2017
Friday, April 21, 2017
Breaking the Mold
It goes like this. The person you interact with knows you well. They (consciously or not) expect a certain reaction from you. Meanwhile, you also know the person well - you can pretty much predict that they will do this certain thing (consciously or not) to get the prescribed reaction from you. Both parties deliver. . .and you, my friends, are stuck in a rut.
How many times have you said something like, "And then she said to me. . .and she knows that I just hate it when she says these things. . .so she just does it to get a reaction from me." Okay. . .so what happens if you don't react in the manner to which both of you have become accustomed? If you used to get all tense or riled up - what if you didn't? If you used to be all cynical - what if you weren't? What if you changed the dynamics? What if you broke the mold?
We are very predictable creatures; just ask anyone who's been in a relationship for a period of time. In many respects that predictability and consistency is great. It's not so great, however, if it perpetrates a situation that is unproductive and unsatisfying.
For instance, there have been certain meetings that I dreaded going to. . .and because I dreaded going to them I was miserable and unsatisfied. I found that if I changed my dynamic, if I broke that unsatisfactory mold, all of a sudden that meeting became more tolerable. . .or, heck, even enjoyable.
Same thing about that team member who really "gets your goat." What happens if you change the way you interact? What if you hold and present your power differently? What if you did what the opposing party didn't expect? Life could be better for both of you. Minimally, the change in dynamics would be refreshing and I'm guessing it would be far more productive.
We fall victim to our own patterns of how we anticipate life, how we interact with others and how others react to us. Often the perpetrator of that pattern is us. . .and we have the power to change that reaction.
So promise yourself that at least one time this week - you will break that mold - for the better.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
How many times have you said something like, "And then she said to me. . .and she knows that I just hate it when she says these things. . .so she just does it to get a reaction from me." Okay. . .so what happens if you don't react in the manner to which both of you have become accustomed? If you used to get all tense or riled up - what if you didn't? If you used to be all cynical - what if you weren't? What if you changed the dynamics? What if you broke the mold?
We are very predictable creatures; just ask anyone who's been in a relationship for a period of time. In many respects that predictability and consistency is great. It's not so great, however, if it perpetrates a situation that is unproductive and unsatisfying.
For instance, there have been certain meetings that I dreaded going to. . .and because I dreaded going to them I was miserable and unsatisfied. I found that if I changed my dynamic, if I broke that unsatisfactory mold, all of a sudden that meeting became more tolerable. . .or, heck, even enjoyable.
Same thing about that team member who really "gets your goat." What happens if you change the way you interact? What if you hold and present your power differently? What if you did what the opposing party didn't expect? Life could be better for both of you. Minimally, the change in dynamics would be refreshing and I'm guessing it would be far more productive.
We fall victim to our own patterns of how we anticipate life, how we interact with others and how others react to us. Often the perpetrator of that pattern is us. . .and we have the power to change that reaction.
So promise yourself that at least one time this week - you will break that mold - for the better.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, April 14, 2017
The Intersection of Civility and Critical Thinking
Events in recent years, and certainly in recent months, stress the need to re-emphasize the importance of these two things in our society: civility and critical thinking.
Most everyone will agree upon the former; I'm not as convinced that everyone would agree upon the latter. Civility and critical thinking are inextricably linked. Lack of civility originates from one dimensional points of view ("it's my way or the highway" or "This is what I want to believe and I don't want to hear about anything else").
True critical thought, however, examines things from multiple sides. . .and most importantly, asks multiple questions. Why did a person respond this way? What are the outside forces that contributed to this decision? Where did the information originate? When was this said? Why do we care about this? What should we care about? Critical thinking is knowing what questions must be asked and then having the willingness to ask those questions.
The second part of the equation is that we are willing to really learn the answers even if they depart from our favored line of thought. It is often true that people believe what they want to believe - and it is also true that it is very hard for most of us to depart from those beliefs even if the facts don't support them.
We must, however, be open to the facts (and really be committed to getting to the real facts and not an interpretation thereof). We must be willing to hear and understand the answers to the questions we ask (otherwise it is a waste of time). I can assure you that once we understand an issue more thoroughly, civility will ensue.
That is not to say that in some instances we won't be outraged, that we won't feel indignant, that there won't be anger. But, by having more information we are more prepared to intelligently present our case. The bonus? By understanding the issues from multiple sides and having the ability to negotiate the issue at multiple touch points, we are more likely to legitimately win the argument.
It is that lack of information that rushes us to a favored conclusion or that which we wish to believe. It is that lack of understanding that results in name-calling and rumor-mongering.
Information gained by asking the right questions allows us to be smarter. Understanding won by examining multiple sides of an issue will make us stronger. Together that will allow us to build a better society.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Most everyone will agree upon the former; I'm not as convinced that everyone would agree upon the latter. Civility and critical thinking are inextricably linked. Lack of civility originates from one dimensional points of view ("it's my way or the highway" or "This is what I want to believe and I don't want to hear about anything else").
True critical thought, however, examines things from multiple sides. . .and most importantly, asks multiple questions. Why did a person respond this way? What are the outside forces that contributed to this decision? Where did the information originate? When was this said? Why do we care about this? What should we care about? Critical thinking is knowing what questions must be asked and then having the willingness to ask those questions.
The second part of the equation is that we are willing to really learn the answers even if they depart from our favored line of thought. It is often true that people believe what they want to believe - and it is also true that it is very hard for most of us to depart from those beliefs even if the facts don't support them.
We must, however, be open to the facts (and really be committed to getting to the real facts and not an interpretation thereof). We must be willing to hear and understand the answers to the questions we ask (otherwise it is a waste of time). I can assure you that once we understand an issue more thoroughly, civility will ensue.
That is not to say that in some instances we won't be outraged, that we won't feel indignant, that there won't be anger. But, by having more information we are more prepared to intelligently present our case. The bonus? By understanding the issues from multiple sides and having the ability to negotiate the issue at multiple touch points, we are more likely to legitimately win the argument.
It is that lack of information that rushes us to a favored conclusion or that which we wish to believe. It is that lack of understanding that results in name-calling and rumor-mongering.
Information gained by asking the right questions allows us to be smarter. Understanding won by examining multiple sides of an issue will make us stronger. Together that will allow us to build a better society.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, April 7, 2017
Personal Power
You cannot change what you do not own.
If I were to have words painted on the wall my office, it would probably be those. They were given to a group of us when we were in the midst of trying to problem solve through blame shifting(?!). The words immediately rang true; no matter how legitimate the excuses may be, we cannot change anything unless we believe we have ownership of the issue and our reaction to it.
You cannot change what you do not own.
Believing in the words commits us to step up to the plate and lay claim to the issues of the day. It is that ownership that give us power to change, edit, experiment and learn. Critical thinking allows us to explore the many facets that any issue invariably presents, including the recognition of the elements that are truly out of our control. When we explore an issue critically, however, we are usually fortunate enough to find that many of the items we thought were out of our control are indeed items to which we can lay claim.
So, how do we own the issues that previously seemed out of reach? Here's the thing: one of the most powerful levers that we can control (and we often conveniently forget this) is ourselves.
We can change the way we react to a situation or others. We can alter our expectations. We can expand our internal explanations for behaviors. We can improve the way that people respond to us by changing the way we interact with them. All of this, however, requires that we own all of the above and through that ownership we can alter both our own destiny as well as the destiny of others.
There is no personal power if one believes they cannot change. There is no hope in martyrdom. Blaming everyone else for the state of affairs is an abdication of responsibility as well as personality.
Conversely, if we grab hold and resolve ourselves to work for change for the better, then we have ownership.
And ownership is very, very powerful.
Like it? Share it!
If I were to have words painted on the wall my office, it would probably be those. They were given to a group of us when we were in the midst of trying to problem solve through blame shifting(?!). The words immediately rang true; no matter how legitimate the excuses may be, we cannot change anything unless we believe we have ownership of the issue and our reaction to it.
You cannot change what you do not own.
Believing in the words commits us to step up to the plate and lay claim to the issues of the day. It is that ownership that give us power to change, edit, experiment and learn. Critical thinking allows us to explore the many facets that any issue invariably presents, including the recognition of the elements that are truly out of our control. When we explore an issue critically, however, we are usually fortunate enough to find that many of the items we thought were out of our control are indeed items to which we can lay claim.
So, how do we own the issues that previously seemed out of reach? Here's the thing: one of the most powerful levers that we can control (and we often conveniently forget this) is ourselves.
We can change the way we react to a situation or others. We can alter our expectations. We can expand our internal explanations for behaviors. We can improve the way that people respond to us by changing the way we interact with them. All of this, however, requires that we own all of the above and through that ownership we can alter both our own destiny as well as the destiny of others.
There is no personal power if one believes they cannot change. There is no hope in martyrdom. Blaming everyone else for the state of affairs is an abdication of responsibility as well as personality.
Conversely, if we grab hold and resolve ourselves to work for change for the better, then we have ownership.
And ownership is very, very powerful.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
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