Once I worked with a manager who had no shortage of ego (or, conversely, had a tremendous shortage of ego and was constantly trying to compensate). In either case, the conversation was always "I," as in "Look at what I did." "Look at MY award." "I know all of this stuff and I'M going to condescendingly communicate it to you."
But wait. . .there's more. . .I haven't even communicated what was, at least to me, the most grating. To the excess, it was always "I'll have MY team do it." "MY people will know what to do." "MY manager can solve that." Whenever the conversation was about this individual's team, the individual insisted on using the possessive. To the point that I just wanted to scream, somewhat Old Testament like. . .
"For the love of God, let MY people go."
Here's what's wrong with the possessive. The manager is inserting themselves, whether warranted or not (and usually it's not) into the conversation. The team doesn't belong to the individual. The use of "my" (in excess) is often patronizing. . .and in that vein, then degrading.
Teams do not belong to the manager. (The manager does, however, have a strong responsibility to take care of and support their team). Teams are not part of a manager's empire or cache. Teams are part of the enterprise.
So, if we want to use semantics that honor that, how about:
"The people I have the privilege of working with. . ."
"The director on our team who is most capable of helping you is. . ."
"Let me ask (insert individual's name here) since that is their area of expertise."
See how that all sounds? It's not patronizing. . .it is respectful and builds confidence. . .which are two of the two traits that a leader should share with a team.
Yes, it may be a fine or "picky" point. . .but the use of the possessive in referring to a team does nothing for the team and ultimate does nothing for the speaker. To be a little more careful can in fact build up both the team and that team's leader.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for e-readers, PCs and tablets on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
Avoiding the Void
Where there is a perceived lack of visibility - trouble steps into that void.
It goes something like this. The manager of the area becomes very busy - perhaps is given extra responsibility. Manager doesn't get out to the team area or interact with the team as much as before. Team feels the absence - they wonder where the manager is. They start to wonder what is wrong. In the middle of the this, people who don't have the overall good of the enterprise at heart start to "take over" the team and become the voice of the team. Within a matter of weeks, the team is, minimally, suspicious of the manager's absence and in more dramatic cases, the team becomes estranged from the manager and the mission of the enterprise.
And it's all because they haven't seen the manager; and not seeing that manager creates the void that trouble begins to fill.
Simply put - there is one way to fill that void - the leader of the team needs to be visible and needs to continuously interact with the team.
There are various forms of making one's presence felt: memos (is that now a really old word?), e-mail, texts, webinars. All of these should be considered to be augmentations to the most powerful way of making one's presence known - that is actually being there. The leader who makes it a priority to be with the team - even in small, but consistent segments - will be richly rewarded with a team that is aligned with her or his priorities.
Once that is accomplished, the leader's presence can then be further enhanced with other forms of communication. These also should be a priority - because the more meaningful communication there is - the safer the team will feel and the more productive they will be.
I always encourage people to think of the ways that their team communicates - and use those as their primary ways to communicate back to the team. Team seems to like e-mail - use e-mail. Team uses texts - use texts. In fact, in larger teams, the leader may find it necessary to use multiple forms of communication in order to serve a diverse audience.
At the end of the day, however, nothing does it like really being in the room and being there for the team. Without the leader's presence there is a void; with the leader present it is a great opportunity.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle for PC's, e-readers and tablets.
It goes something like this. The manager of the area becomes very busy - perhaps is given extra responsibility. Manager doesn't get out to the team area or interact with the team as much as before. Team feels the absence - they wonder where the manager is. They start to wonder what is wrong. In the middle of the this, people who don't have the overall good of the enterprise at heart start to "take over" the team and become the voice of the team. Within a matter of weeks, the team is, minimally, suspicious of the manager's absence and in more dramatic cases, the team becomes estranged from the manager and the mission of the enterprise.
And it's all because they haven't seen the manager; and not seeing that manager creates the void that trouble begins to fill.
Simply put - there is one way to fill that void - the leader of the team needs to be visible and needs to continuously interact with the team.
There are various forms of making one's presence felt: memos (is that now a really old word?), e-mail, texts, webinars. All of these should be considered to be augmentations to the most powerful way of making one's presence known - that is actually being there. The leader who makes it a priority to be with the team - even in small, but consistent segments - will be richly rewarded with a team that is aligned with her or his priorities.
Once that is accomplished, the leader's presence can then be further enhanced with other forms of communication. These also should be a priority - because the more meaningful communication there is - the safer the team will feel and the more productive they will be.
I always encourage people to think of the ways that their team communicates - and use those as their primary ways to communicate back to the team. Team seems to like e-mail - use e-mail. Team uses texts - use texts. In fact, in larger teams, the leader may find it necessary to use multiple forms of communication in order to serve a diverse audience.
At the end of the day, however, nothing does it like really being in the room and being there for the team. Without the leader's presence there is a void; with the leader present it is a great opportunity.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle for PC's, e-readers and tablets.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Looking at Conflict in a New Light
Conflict, so often, has less to do with what we believe it is - and much more to do with what we don't know.
Conflict is the very act of battle between two parties - so it becomes very personal and very direct.
Conflict can also, however, lead to great creativity provided we 1) find out what we don't know and 2) refuse to make conflict personal and direct.
There is often much more that contributes to conflict that what is evidenced. What else is happening? What has been said that hasn't been told? What happened that wasn't related? These things can create huge fireballs of emotion that explode and then the other party retaliates. The way to creativity is to think through the questions.
What else is happening? Is there something else happening at home? At work? With a work team member? Often if you can get to this information you will have a stronger understanding of the nature of the complaint. Sometimes the complainant will even admit that the real problem isn't what was complained about. And. . .if you can get to a strong understanding of the nature of the complaint - you can then start crafting a resilient, creative response to it. That response may build new programs or craft different points of view that heretofore have not been instituted - suddenly you have created something very positive out of what could have been a very detrimental situation.
What has been said that hasn't been told? Often the source of conflict is rumor, innuendo and misunderstanding. Try as best you can to get to the source. Sometimes this means you need to listen very carefully. . .to several different sources. . .to figure out who said what. Seriously - it may be just a two to three word phrase that indicates the truth.. Once you've done that hard work, however, you can then avoid the even more difficult work of conflict by correcting the misinformation.
What happened that wasn't related? Something will happen - someone will misinterpret it - and suddenly we're off to the races without a strong understanding of the motivation. Asking questions and being very curious (as opposed to shooting a missile back after the first shot was fired) allows us to (at least) try to figure out the origins of the misunderstanding. By unraveling that misunderstanding, you will save yourself hours of time and make your team happier.
All of this, of course, requires that we ask questions and form a strong understanding of the real concerns instead of firing back. It may not be what we want to do in the heat of the moment - but it leads to a better team and greater creativity.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for 2.99 from Amazon Kindle.
Conflict is the very act of battle between two parties - so it becomes very personal and very direct.
Conflict can also, however, lead to great creativity provided we 1) find out what we don't know and 2) refuse to make conflict personal and direct.
There is often much more that contributes to conflict that what is evidenced. What else is happening? What has been said that hasn't been told? What happened that wasn't related? These things can create huge fireballs of emotion that explode and then the other party retaliates. The way to creativity is to think through the questions.
What else is happening? Is there something else happening at home? At work? With a work team member? Often if you can get to this information you will have a stronger understanding of the nature of the complaint. Sometimes the complainant will even admit that the real problem isn't what was complained about. And. . .if you can get to a strong understanding of the nature of the complaint - you can then start crafting a resilient, creative response to it. That response may build new programs or craft different points of view that heretofore have not been instituted - suddenly you have created something very positive out of what could have been a very detrimental situation.
What has been said that hasn't been told? Often the source of conflict is rumor, innuendo and misunderstanding. Try as best you can to get to the source. Sometimes this means you need to listen very carefully. . .to several different sources. . .to figure out who said what. Seriously - it may be just a two to three word phrase that indicates the truth.. Once you've done that hard work, however, you can then avoid the even more difficult work of conflict by correcting the misinformation.
What happened that wasn't related? Something will happen - someone will misinterpret it - and suddenly we're off to the races without a strong understanding of the motivation. Asking questions and being very curious (as opposed to shooting a missile back after the first shot was fired) allows us to (at least) try to figure out the origins of the misunderstanding. By unraveling that misunderstanding, you will save yourself hours of time and make your team happier.
All of this, of course, requires that we ask questions and form a strong understanding of the real concerns instead of firing back. It may not be what we want to do in the heat of the moment - but it leads to a better team and greater creativity.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for 2.99 from Amazon Kindle.
Friday, October 9, 2015
How to Avoid Saying Stupid Things
Maybe this has never happened to you (but I bet it has)- you walk away from a conversation, however brief, and admonish yourself with "Stupid. Stupid. STUPID! Why did I say that?"
It's helpful to recognize that this happens to all of us - and it will continue to happen. There are ways, however, to mitigate. Such as:
Don't say the first thing that pops into your head. Sally is headed toward you in the hallway and you see, from a distance, that Sally has been experimenting with her hairstyle. As your mutual steps bring you closer to one another, your mouth may blurt out exactly what your brain is producing, which sounds something like, "Is that an owl on top of your head?"
Not a great opening line. However innocuous, it's always better to start with something like "How are you doing today?" or "Great to see you this morning." These phrases give your brain time to recalibrate, recognize that isn't a barn fowl in Sally's hair and say something more constructive.
Don't feel like you always need to say something. More unfortunate phrases, and more battles have started due to this dynamic. . .you feel like you need to say something. Not everything that is said needs you to weigh in with a response. Which leads us to. . .
Don't feel backed into a corner. I have said some of the stupidest things in these situations. Someone lobs an A-bomb of conversation in your direction, or asks a pointed question, and you feel that you need to either defend yourself or have a ready answer.
Not true. Deflect. "Let me see if there is anything I can do." "I know you want the right answer - so give me a couple minutes/hours and I'll get it for you." Even, "I'm sorry you feel that way" is better than lobbing back an ill-advised answer.
Don't lie. First of all, it's not ethical. Secondly, you will get caught - and then you will have a reputation as a liar.
Don't Answer in Anger. Granted, there may be a place and time. . .generally, however, you don't want that place to be near you and that time is in that alternate universe in which The Real Housewives reside.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle for tablets, PCs and e-readers.
It's helpful to recognize that this happens to all of us - and it will continue to happen. There are ways, however, to mitigate. Such as:
Don't say the first thing that pops into your head. Sally is headed toward you in the hallway and you see, from a distance, that Sally has been experimenting with her hairstyle. As your mutual steps bring you closer to one another, your mouth may blurt out exactly what your brain is producing, which sounds something like, "Is that an owl on top of your head?"
Not a great opening line. However innocuous, it's always better to start with something like "How are you doing today?" or "Great to see you this morning." These phrases give your brain time to recalibrate, recognize that isn't a barn fowl in Sally's hair and say something more constructive.
Don't feel like you always need to say something. More unfortunate phrases, and more battles have started due to this dynamic. . .you feel like you need to say something. Not everything that is said needs you to weigh in with a response. Which leads us to. . .
Don't feel backed into a corner. I have said some of the stupidest things in these situations. Someone lobs an A-bomb of conversation in your direction, or asks a pointed question, and you feel that you need to either defend yourself or have a ready answer.
Not true. Deflect. "Let me see if there is anything I can do." "I know you want the right answer - so give me a couple minutes/hours and I'll get it for you." Even, "I'm sorry you feel that way" is better than lobbing back an ill-advised answer.
Don't lie. First of all, it's not ethical. Secondly, you will get caught - and then you will have a reputation as a liar.
Don't Answer in Anger. Granted, there may be a place and time. . .generally, however, you don't want that place to be near you and that time is in that alternate universe in which The Real Housewives reside.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle for tablets, PCs and e-readers.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Take Care of Yourself: Take Care of Others
Great leadership (and yes, I'm saying it again) is a selfless task. Your concern and your responsibility is your team.
Which brings us to this: if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take adequate care of others. Here then are a few gentle reminders on how to be at the best you can be.
Are you centered? Is your life balanced? Life spent on the extremes is life on the edge - and not in a good way. If you envision your life "heading on down the highway" are you in the right lane?
Are you happy? Happiness is not over-rated. To be content. . . to be happy is a blessing that all should have. It is essential not only to a good life. . .but to great leadership. (If you aren't happy - neither is your team).
Do you need time with just you? There are points in my life when I just need to make all of the noise stop so that I can listen to myself. At those times, I seek solitude. It may be on a walk. It may be in an empty church. It may even be on a car ride. That time, spent just sorting things out, is incredibly worthwhile and makes the time I then spend with others so much more worthwhile.
Conversely, do you need time with friends? Sometimes that best way to listen to yourself. . . is to hear yourself talking with really good friends. Laughter, compassion and just gentle conversation are great remedies.
Healthy? Good food, eaten well, feeds not just the body but the soul as well. Good rest makes us sharper and more relaxed. Good exercise makes us feel better, releases tension and builds a stronger body. All of these are essential for strong leader.
And while life is complicated, taking care of ourselves is really that simple. By prioritizing self-care. . . we can then be selfless by taking better care of those we care about.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for e-readers, PCs and tablets on Amazon Kindle.
Which brings us to this: if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take adequate care of others. Here then are a few gentle reminders on how to be at the best you can be.
Are you centered? Is your life balanced? Life spent on the extremes is life on the edge - and not in a good way. If you envision your life "heading on down the highway" are you in the right lane?
Are you happy? Happiness is not over-rated. To be content. . . to be happy is a blessing that all should have. It is essential not only to a good life. . .but to great leadership. (If you aren't happy - neither is your team).
Do you need time with just you? There are points in my life when I just need to make all of the noise stop so that I can listen to myself. At those times, I seek solitude. It may be on a walk. It may be in an empty church. It may even be on a car ride. That time, spent just sorting things out, is incredibly worthwhile and makes the time I then spend with others so much more worthwhile.
Conversely, do you need time with friends? Sometimes that best way to listen to yourself. . . is to hear yourself talking with really good friends. Laughter, compassion and just gentle conversation are great remedies.
Healthy? Good food, eaten well, feeds not just the body but the soul as well. Good rest makes us sharper and more relaxed. Good exercise makes us feel better, releases tension and builds a stronger body. All of these are essential for strong leader.
And while life is complicated, taking care of ourselves is really that simple. By prioritizing self-care. . . we can then be selfless by taking better care of those we care about.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for e-readers, PCs and tablets on Amazon Kindle.
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