Conflict, so often, has less to do with what we believe it is - and much more to do with what we don't know.
Conflict is the very act of battle between two parties - so it becomes very personal and very direct.
Conflict can also, however, lead to great creativity provided we 1) find out what we don't know and 2) refuse to make conflict personal and direct.
There is often much more that contributes to conflict that what is evidenced. What else is happening? What has been said that hasn't been told? What happened that wasn't related? These things can create huge fireballs of emotion that explode and then the other party retaliates. The way to creativity is to think through the questions.
What else is happening? Is there something else happening at home? At work? With a work team member? Often if you can get to this information you will have a stronger understanding of the nature of the complaint. Sometimes the complainant will even admit that the real problem isn't what was complained about. And. . .if you can get to a strong understanding of the nature of the complaint - you can then start crafting a resilient, creative response to it. That response may build new programs or craft different points of view that heretofore have not been instituted - suddenly you have created something very positive out of what could have been a very detrimental situation.
What has been said that hasn't been told? Often the source of conflict is rumor, innuendo and misunderstanding. Try as best you can to get to the source. Sometimes this means you need to listen very carefully. . .to several different sources. . .to figure out who said what. Seriously - it may be just a two to three word phrase that indicates the truth.. Once you've done that hard work, however, you can then avoid the even more difficult work of conflict by correcting the misinformation.
What happened that wasn't related? Something will happen - someone will misinterpret it - and suddenly we're off to the races without a strong understanding of the motivation. Asking questions and being very curious (as opposed to shooting a missile back after the first shot was fired) allows us to (at least) try to figure out the origins of the misunderstanding. By unraveling that misunderstanding, you will save yourself hours of time and make your team happier.
All of this, of course, requires that we ask questions and form a strong understanding of the real concerns instead of firing back. It may not be what we want to do in the heat of the moment - but it leads to a better team and greater creativity.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available for 2.99 from Amazon Kindle.
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