How to Avoid Saying Stupid Things

Maybe this has never happened to you (but I bet it has)- you walk away from a conversation, however brief, and admonish yourself with "Stupid.  Stupid.    STUPID!    Why did I say that?"

It's helpful to recognize that this happens to all of us - and it will continue to happen.   There are ways, however, to mitigate.  Such as:

Don't say the first thing that pops into your head.   Sally is headed toward you in the hallway and you see, from a distance, that Sally has been experimenting with her hairstyle.   As your mutual steps bring you closer to one another, your mouth may blurt out exactly what your brain is producing, which sounds something like, "Is that an owl on top of your head?"

Not a great opening line.   However innocuous, it's always better to start with something like "How are you doing today?"  or "Great to see you this morning."   These phrases give your brain time to recalibrate, recognize that isn't a barn fowl in Sally's hair and say something more constructive.

Don't feel like you always need to say something.  More unfortunate phrases, and more battles have started due to this dynamic. . .you feel like you need to say something.    Not everything that is said needs you to weigh in with a response.  Which leads us to. . .

Don't feel backed into a corner.     I have said some of the stupidest things in these situations.   Someone lobs an A-bomb of conversation in your direction, or asks a pointed question, and you feel that you need to either defend yourself or have a ready answer.

Not true.  Deflect.  "Let me see if there is anything I can do."   "I know you want the right answer - so give me a couple minutes/hours and I'll get it for you."  Even, "I'm sorry you feel that way" is better than lobbing back an ill-advised answer.

Don't lie.    First of all, it's not ethical.  Secondly, you will get caught - and then you will have a reputation as a liar.

Don't Answer in Anger.   Granted, there may be a place and time. . .generally, however, you don't want that place to be near you and that time is in that alternate universe in which The Real Housewives reside.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle for tablets, PCs and e-readers.