Always. . .we need to utilize judgment.
It is core to my foundational leadership beliefs that we spend time in conversation with those we have a privilege of working with. These conversations, if constructive, form strong professional relationships, should lead to greater inquiry and enable us to fortify our endeavors.
If constructive.
There are times when these conversations need to be cathartic - when we can just let it all hang out there and say what is on our minds. Even this can be constructive - leading to a greater understanding and solution building.
And then there is the extreme, when the conversation is just whiny. . .and subsequent discussions are equally whiny: as opposed to a conversation, it just becomes a compendium of complaints that somehow you, as the listener, are supposed to solve. Or, the complainer wishes that the world and work are not as they are and they want to both to change to meet their whims.
Which is not happening.
Meanwhile, this is taking your time. . .and let's not forget, taking your energy as well. And if the complainer has no ownership, there is no ROI in the conversation.
It is a fine line, this - the ability to listen and work for betterment can also become a colossal waste if whining becomes the order of the day. Complaint for complaint's sake does not make the workplace better. If it comes to this, you have options:
Limit the time you spend with the individual. "I'm sorry, I only have five minutes before I have to attend my Monday meeting." "Is it possible to talk later? I need to finish this report I'm working on?" "Could we revisit this when we are scheduled to get together next week?" In other words, put structure around it.
Hold individuals accountable: "You know - you cannot change what you do not own - so what are you going to do about this?" In subsequent conversations, if the issue comes up again - ask them if they have implemented their course of action. Ask questions and encourage the exploration of options.
If the individual is chafing against company policy - be very clear and firm that these issues are not going to change. One of the tools that you have available to you should be used sparingly - but it can be used - shut down the conversation.
Constructive: you cannot change what you do not own. Often the temptation is to regard whiny conversations as something we do not own and we have to endure. Truth is - we do own them and we must feel enabled to change the nature of discourse for the positive.
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, May 31, 2019
Friday, May 24, 2019
The Drama of ME
It took decades before I figured out the motivation. In my mother's life if there wasn't a conflict, she would generate one. If she didn't have an enemy, she would create one. From a health perspective, there was always some complaint.
All of these things were arrows. Their commonality? All of the arrows pointed directly at her. The greater the controversy she could create equaled the amount of attention she got. She didn't care that it was negative attention. And truth be told, she really didn't care who she upended or hurt along the way. She couldn't. It would have taken the focus off of her.
We witness this type of behavior often. Whether it is the national political scene or some Real Housewife drama. . .or that person at work. . .we see individuals stirrin' up stuff with the sole purpose of keeping themselves in the spotlight.
It is the drama of ME!
These narcissists hijack whatever positive narrative there is or should be. They do not perceive collaboration to be in their best interest because, you see, this would allow others to momentarily bask in the limelight.
The truth that the world is about a collective, not one individual, does not serve the narcissist well. Since they are at odds with the truth, they lie. They create their own stories or hijack the narrative to assure that they are not only recognized, but that they are the sole recipient of everyone's attention.
Why is this dangerous? Because no matter what enterprise we are engaged in - we are not there to serve the needs of one person. If a narcissist is hijacking the narrative - that becomes exactly what we are doing and the mission of the enterprise and everyone's attention to it are lost.
So what should we do? It is somewhat of a Catch 22 - because if we actively combat - we are doing exactly what these self-centered individuals wish by focusing attention on them. So here are the antidotes:
The world and the work is not about one person. It should never be "The Drama of ME," but instead it should be "The Importance and Work of US."
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
All of these things were arrows. Their commonality? All of the arrows pointed directly at her. The greater the controversy she could create equaled the amount of attention she got. She didn't care that it was negative attention. And truth be told, she really didn't care who she upended or hurt along the way. She couldn't. It would have taken the focus off of her.
We witness this type of behavior often. Whether it is the national political scene or some Real Housewife drama. . .or that person at work. . .we see individuals stirrin' up stuff with the sole purpose of keeping themselves in the spotlight.
It is the drama of ME!
These narcissists hijack whatever positive narrative there is or should be. They do not perceive collaboration to be in their best interest because, you see, this would allow others to momentarily bask in the limelight.
The truth that the world is about a collective, not one individual, does not serve the narcissist well. Since they are at odds with the truth, they lie. They create their own stories or hijack the narrative to assure that they are not only recognized, but that they are the sole recipient of everyone's attention.
Why is this dangerous? Because no matter what enterprise we are engaged in - we are not there to serve the needs of one person. If a narcissist is hijacking the narrative - that becomes exactly what we are doing and the mission of the enterprise and everyone's attention to it are lost.
So what should we do? It is somewhat of a Catch 22 - because if we actively combat - we are doing exactly what these self-centered individuals wish by focusing attention on them. So here are the antidotes:
- Continue to be universally aware and responsive to the needs and opportunities that present themselves daily. In other words, act upon the fact that our world is made up of many individuals who are truly deserving of attention for legitimate reasons.
- Pay attention to other people; in fact, over-index on paying attention to other people.
- Don't let someone hijack your story or make it about themselves. Assure that as many people as possible understand the facts and the appeal of your story.
- Hold the narcissist responsible by revoking their privilege: whether that means not paying attention, administering positive corrective action or even exiting them from their position - get this individual in-line or get them out. They are toxic.
The world and the work is not about one person. It should never be "The Drama of ME," but instead it should be "The Importance and Work of US."
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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, May 17, 2019
Better Never Stops (?????)
That's what the slogan on the billboard says. "Better never stops."
How very, very 1980's. Interpreted as "Go-go-go-keep-going-go-some-more, just don't stop." There are companion words: never-ending pursuit, relentless. . .and in the extreme - spent, exhausted.
And there are antidote words: "balanced," "rest," "thoughtfulness," "consideration."
You see, I'm of the belief that "better" does indeed stop.
"Better" rests so that it can continue to be better. There is a basic function of biology here - people who work out know this and embrace it. You work hard. . .and then your "better" needs to rest - it needs nourishment - it needs time to assimilate the gains that have been made. The same is true in the rest of life - our minds and bodies cannot continue to go on at one unprecedented rate. We need time to recharge.
"Better" takes time to be thoughtful. If the mode of operation is just go-go-go - an accident will occur because we are not taking time to recognize what is happening around us. How is the world changing while we are in motion? How are our actions impacting those around us? If we are having a positive impact - how do we improve our actions to have an even better impact?
"Better" is balanced. It is periods of work and periods of rest. It is focused thought combined with the ability to consider alternatives and different points of view. It is the understanding that to consistently be at our best we must be multi-dimensional.
Truly "better" does stop - that's what enables it to be excellent.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
How very, very 1980's. Interpreted as "Go-go-go-keep-going-go-some-more, just don't stop." There are companion words: never-ending pursuit, relentless. . .and in the extreme - spent, exhausted.
And there are antidote words: "balanced," "rest," "thoughtfulness," "consideration."
You see, I'm of the belief that "better" does indeed stop.
"Better" rests so that it can continue to be better. There is a basic function of biology here - people who work out know this and embrace it. You work hard. . .and then your "better" needs to rest - it needs nourishment - it needs time to assimilate the gains that have been made. The same is true in the rest of life - our minds and bodies cannot continue to go on at one unprecedented rate. We need time to recharge.
"Better" takes time to be thoughtful. If the mode of operation is just go-go-go - an accident will occur because we are not taking time to recognize what is happening around us. How is the world changing while we are in motion? How are our actions impacting those around us? If we are having a positive impact - how do we improve our actions to have an even better impact?
"Better" is balanced. It is periods of work and periods of rest. It is focused thought combined with the ability to consider alternatives and different points of view. It is the understanding that to consistently be at our best we must be multi-dimensional.
Truly "better" does stop - that's what enables it to be excellent.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, May 10, 2019
Pushed Around
There are bosses who are seemingly impervious; the perception is that they don't care what anyone thinks or feels. They are unapproachable; team members consequently wouldn't even think about talking to this individual about their workplace concerns.
And then there are leaders who truly care about the workplace and the members of their teams. They make it clear that they have an open door and that they are willing to listen. In certain instances, these people are taken advantage of. Team members will absolve themselves of any personal responsibility and leave it to the leader to solve everything. The leader spends endless hours listening to endless whining; the leader at this point cannot do anything right because the team members expects the leader to solve all the problems of the world and that obviously isn't happening.
In other words, the well-intended leader is pushed around.
So, how do we work this balance of listening and caring without being taken advantage of? Some thoughts:
How strong is our core? Are we certain of what we believe in? Do those beliefs radiate; do they communicate themselves through not only our communication but also our actions? This is very important because team members trust leaders with these qualities; team members will try to emulate these leaders, not push them around.
Has our business focus been made clear to all? Are team members aware of our daily and long-term expectations? Professional focus transcends a whole lot of pettiness, provided. . .
Is everyone on board? Have they bought in? Are they following the direction the leader is leading? This is what makes entities hum if not sing. . .the harmony brought about by a strongly believed common purpose.
The term "servant leader" is bandied about often. As leaders we are definitely here to support, grow, nurture and enable our teams to do their best. We should be always present to listen and support. If we are pushed around, we are disabled from supporting our teams and creating focus; we become quicksand. But, if we personally and professionally exhibit a strong foundation and belief structure that supports the workforce, we truly lead.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
And then there are leaders who truly care about the workplace and the members of their teams. They make it clear that they have an open door and that they are willing to listen. In certain instances, these people are taken advantage of. Team members will absolve themselves of any personal responsibility and leave it to the leader to solve everything. The leader spends endless hours listening to endless whining; the leader at this point cannot do anything right because the team members expects the leader to solve all the problems of the world and that obviously isn't happening.
In other words, the well-intended leader is pushed around.
So, how do we work this balance of listening and caring without being taken advantage of? Some thoughts:
How strong is our core? Are we certain of what we believe in? Do those beliefs radiate; do they communicate themselves through not only our communication but also our actions? This is very important because team members trust leaders with these qualities; team members will try to emulate these leaders, not push them around.
Has our business focus been made clear to all? Are team members aware of our daily and long-term expectations? Professional focus transcends a whole lot of pettiness, provided. . .
Is everyone on board? Have they bought in? Are they following the direction the leader is leading? This is what makes entities hum if not sing. . .the harmony brought about by a strongly believed common purpose.
The term "servant leader" is bandied about often. As leaders we are definitely here to support, grow, nurture and enable our teams to do their best. We should be always present to listen and support. If we are pushed around, we are disabled from supporting our teams and creating focus; we become quicksand. But, if we personally and professionally exhibit a strong foundation and belief structure that supports the workforce, we truly lead.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
Friday, May 3, 2019
8 Questions That Could Change Your Day
Eight questions for today - and most days:
What is the definition of things that really matter; what really is going to make a difference?
In the grand scheme of things, does what I am going to spend time on really matter?
If so - how?
How do I re-arrange my priorities so that my team and I am focused on what really matters and makes a difference?
How do I communicate to my team that their focus on priorities is equally as important as my own?
Can I differentiate between a "mess of tactics" vs actions that contribute to the building of an overall strategy?
If so - how can I teach my team to do the same?
If we are intensely focused on what really matters, does that intensity also accommodate time for celebrations and the building of relationships along the way?
And that is about as succinct as I can make it.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
What is the definition of things that really matter; what really is going to make a difference?
In the grand scheme of things, does what I am going to spend time on really matter?
If so - how?
How do I re-arrange my priorities so that my team and I am focused on what really matters and makes a difference?
How do I communicate to my team that their focus on priorities is equally as important as my own?
Can I differentiate between a "mess of tactics" vs actions that contribute to the building of an overall strategy?
If so - how can I teach my team to do the same?
If we are intensely focused on what really matters, does that intensity also accommodate time for celebrations and the building of relationships along the way?
And that is about as succinct as I can make it.
Like it? Share it!
My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.
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