A Fine Whine: A Fine Line

Always. . .we need to utilize judgment.

It is core to my foundational leadership beliefs that we spend time in conversation with those we have a privilege of working with.  These conversations, if constructive, form strong professional relationships, should lead to greater inquiry and enable us to fortify our endeavors.

If constructive.

There are times when these conversations need to be cathartic - when we can just let it all hang out there  and say what is on our minds.   Even this can be constructive - leading to a greater understanding and solution building.

And then there is the extreme,  when the conversation is just whiny. . .and subsequent discussions are equally whiny:  as opposed to a conversation, it just becomes a compendium of complaints that somehow you, as the listener, are supposed to solve.  Or, the complainer wishes that the world and work are not as they are and they want to both to change to meet their whims.

Which is not happening. 

Meanwhile, this is taking your time. . .and let's not forget, taking your energy as well.  And if the complainer has no ownership, there is no ROI in the conversation.

It is a fine line, this - the ability to listen and work for betterment can also become a colossal waste if whining becomes the order of the day.   Complaint for complaint's sake does not make the workplace better.   If it comes to this, you have options:

Limit the time you spend with the individual.  "I'm sorry, I only have five minutes before I have to attend my Monday meeting."  "Is it possible to talk later? I need to finish this report I'm working on?"  "Could we revisit this when we are scheduled to get together next week?"  In other words, put structure around it.

Hold individuals accountable:  "You know - you cannot change what you do not own - so what are you going to do about this?"  In subsequent conversations, if the issue comes up again - ask them if they have implemented their course of action.  Ask questions and encourage the exploration of options.

If the individual is chafing against company policy - be very clear and firm that these issues are not going to change.    One of the tools that you have available to you should be used sparingly - but it can be used - shut down the conversation.

Constructive:  you cannot change what you do not own.  Often the temptation is to regard whiny conversations as something we do not own and we have to endure.    Truth is - we do own them and we must feel enabled to change the nature of discourse for the positive.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders"  is available on  Amazon Kindle.