What Keeps Me Up at Night. . .

This past week, a group of co-workers and I were asked this question:   "What keeps you up at night?"  It is a fairly standard "work" question - meant to elicit responses of worry:  what to do about sagging sales or how to cut a budget or the difficult discussion that must be had with a team member.   And while, yes, I do worry (and can worry better or more than most, I assure you) after a few moments of soul searching my honest answer of what keeps me up at night was this . . .

The possibilities.

I spend a lot of time thinking about our resources and how we can make the best use of our resources.  What if we took this part of our supply chain and diverted it to another sales channel?    What if we re-allocated this amount of floor space to another endeavor?     What if we changed our attitude regarding a type of material and found use for it?  How can we make the best use of what we have?

What about our team members?    What happens if we take the individual who is naturally excelling and promoted that individual?  What if we take that individual who is struggling and tried to find a better fit?   What happens if we put two individuals together on a team - is the sum greater than its parts?

What about our customers?     How would they respond if we changed hours?    If we changed our service model?   If we marketed this way or merchandised that way?

And then there's those assumptions about the business and the team.   We all tend to look at situations from our cultural preconceptions;  but what if those preconceptions aren't correct and there is a better focus?

What about my personal resources?   Am I using enough courage?   Should empathy take the place of judgment?  Would it be a better use of my time to spend a few minutes with a team member vs. doing another spreadsheet?

The possibilities.    These are the great range of resources we have available to us (when sometimes we think we may have none).   This is the excitement of what we can do vs. the dead end of what we can't.

This is what keeps me up at night.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders"  is available on Amazon Kindle.   

Leadership and Whining Do Not Mix. . .

Great leaders do not whine.  An example from this week's news. . .

At a Coast Guard commencement address on Wednesday, President Trump said this (about himself), "No politician in history - and I say this with great surety - has been treated worse or more unfairly."

From a leadership perspective - this makes me ponder the value of such statements.  Here's what statements like this are meant to accomplish:   they are said to garner sympathy and shore up the base of support as in "poor, pitiful me . . .don't you feel sorry for me. . .and aren't you going to come to my defense?"   Problem number one:   it is self-serving;   good leaders are not self-serving.  They should be present to focus on their constituents.

Problem number two:   these types of big generalizations come printed with huge targets on them. People want to prove the assumption wrong.   USA Today immediately came up with a list of five politicians who were treated more unfairly.    The Facebook meme had Trump's quote above a photo of Nelson Mandela in jail.  Big, overblown statements of victimization become immediately suspect.

Also, if one is prone to play the "fairness" card in self-defense - you'd better make sure that your own deck is in order.   The President who is whining that he is not being treated fairly is the same individual who mocked a reporter with a disability, who gleefully led crowds in chants of "Lock her up," who routinely makes insinuations without reference, who blames his staffers for his problems and who throws his own party under the bus for his follies.  Yes, leaders come under more scrutiny than others due to their naturally higher profile;   if you are going to lay claim to something you need to make sure you will not be accused of hypocrisy.

And then there's this. . .leaders have lots of power.   To claim "unfair" seems, at best, disingenuous. . .and an admission of weakness.  We do not want to follow leaders who are weak.

Leaders, by the very definition, are meant to take us somewhere.  To wallow in self-pity and martyrdom gets us nowhere.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.  

Steve Harvey and the Lament of the Diva

The following is attributable to Variety. . .and whoever leaked Steve Harvey's staff memo.

There will be no meetings in my dressing room. No stopping by or popping in. NO ONE.
Do not come to my dressing room unless invited.
Do not open my dressing room door. IF YOU OPEN MY DOOR, EXPECT TO BE REMOVED.
My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who have the intent to see or speak to me.
I want all the ambushing to stop now. That includes TV staff.
You must schedule an appointment.
I have been taken advantage of by my lenient policy in the past. This ends now. NO MORE.
Do not approach me while I’m in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly. Either knock or use the doorbell.
I am seeking more free time for me throughout the day.
Do not wait in any hallway to speak to me. I hate being ambushed. Please make an appointment.
I promise you I will not entertain you in the hallway, and do not attempt to walk with me.
If you’re reading this, yes, I mean you.
Everyone, do not take offense to the new way of doing business. It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment.

This is the lament of a diva.

Can we talk about tone?  No "please."  No "thank you."  Use of CAPS!!!   It is all absolutes and the voice of dictatorship.

Can we talk about the unspoken sense of "it's me against all of you."   It seems that the driving idea here is that "my team is really just a bother, they are not additive to my show or my personal success."

Then there is the sense of royalty:  "Do not approach me."   "My security team will. . ."  Mind you, this memo is not being directed to the outside world - this is written to his staff.

Oh, there is also the obsession with "me."   "I have been taken advantage of . . ."  "I am looking for more free time for me."  "It is for the good of my personal life. . ."   News flash,  nobody really cares.   What people care about is what they perceive they have ownership of. . .and the tone of the e-mail is very clear  that they have very little ownership.

Which bring us to this.  Does this sound like communication from a leader that people would like to follow. . .or does it sound like a brittle narcissist?

Perhaps it would have been ultimately more effective to do something like this:  "Hey everyone.     The time that I have in my dressing room and between the dressing room and the set is time in which I'm really focusing on refining the product we all put on air.  While I really want to hear your concerns and work with you, at these points  of preparation I will not be able to give you my full attention.    For this reason,  please make an appointment to see me to discuss your ideas so that we can find a time to work together in which I can provide focus to your conversation.  Thanks so much for doing this - I really appreciate it. "

Does this accomplish the same thing?  I would argue it accomplishes more.  There is a collective reason for the request ("so I can refine the product we all put on air.")  There is an informality and lightness (as opposed to perceived anger).   There is a focus on the team and less on "me."   There is "please" and "thank you."   The end result is that team members will really want to do what is requested vs. wanting to throw the writer of the memo under the bus.

Which is exactly what they did.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders"  is available on Amazon Kindle.

How to Have THAT Conversation

We have all had these conversations. . . we will all have more of these conversations.   It is the difficult conversation.  It is the conversation you are dreading.  It is the conversation you don't know how to start.  It is the conversation in which you need to persuade people who don't want persuading.

And here is the absolutely the best thing you can do. . .

Listen first.   Why?

a.  People usually have stuff they need to get off their chest - let them do it.
b.  Don't let them ponder and stew over what they believe to be true until the end of your dissertation - they aren't listening - they are, in fact, pondering and stewing.
c.  If you listen first, you will get information that will help you avoid a swamp, and/or. . .
d.  You will get information that will enable you to make your point.

 Part of my previous job was to educate sales associates how to open credit accounts for customers.   A few associates loved doing this; most loathed it.   When I would speak to a group of associates, I would usually open with a joke and then swing right into the presentation. . .in front of a group of  visibly unhappy people who had their legs crossed, arms crossed and probably had their arms crossed over their legs.  Once I changed the dynamic and opened the session by having them ask questions and express concerns. . .once they could get "their stuff" out of the way, I found I had a much more willing audience.  It all began with listening first . . .

And yes, there was the corrective action conversation I dreaded having because it was with ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD (or so I thought) and I just knew it was doing to A BIG, LOUSY DISASTER.   I was catatonic - didn't even know how to begin the conversation - so quite by accident the team member started doing the talking. . .and the team member talked. . .and I willingly listened. . .and through that process both the team member and I accomplished more than we thought was possible.  It all began with listening first. . .

As much as people dread having some of these conversations is as much as we dread starting them - so we usually end up starting them in the very worst way possible.     Change the dynamic - let the other person start. . .and really listen.  Now THAT conversation is going to be much more effective because it all began with listening first.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.