How to Have THAT Conversation

We have all had these conversations. . . we will all have more of these conversations.   It is the difficult conversation.  It is the conversation you are dreading.  It is the conversation you don't know how to start.  It is the conversation in which you need to persuade people who don't want persuading.

And here is the absolutely the best thing you can do. . .

Listen first.   Why?

a.  People usually have stuff they need to get off their chest - let them do it.
b.  Don't let them ponder and stew over what they believe to be true until the end of your dissertation - they aren't listening - they are, in fact, pondering and stewing.
c.  If you listen first, you will get information that will help you avoid a swamp, and/or. . .
d.  You will get information that will enable you to make your point.

 Part of my previous job was to educate sales associates how to open credit accounts for customers.   A few associates loved doing this; most loathed it.   When I would speak to a group of associates, I would usually open with a joke and then swing right into the presentation. . .in front of a group of  visibly unhappy people who had their legs crossed, arms crossed and probably had their arms crossed over their legs.  Once I changed the dynamic and opened the session by having them ask questions and express concerns. . .once they could get "their stuff" out of the way, I found I had a much more willing audience.  It all began with listening first . . .

And yes, there was the corrective action conversation I dreaded having because it was with ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD (or so I thought) and I just knew it was doing to A BIG, LOUSY DISASTER.   I was catatonic - didn't even know how to begin the conversation - so quite by accident the team member started doing the talking. . .and the team member talked. . .and I willingly listened. . .and through that process both the team member and I accomplished more than we thought was possible.  It all began with listening first. . .

As much as people dread having some of these conversations is as much as we dread starting them - so we usually end up starting them in the very worst way possible.     Change the dynamic - let the other person start. . .and really listen.  Now THAT conversation is going to be much more effective because it all began with listening first.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.