The Drama of ME

It took decades before I figured out the motivation.   In my mother's life if there wasn't a conflict, she would generate one.   If she didn't have an enemy, she would create one.  From a health perspective, there was always some complaint.  

All of these things were arrows.  Their commonality?   All of the arrows pointed directly at her.  The greater the controversy she could create equaled the amount of attention she got.    She didn't care that it was negative attention.   And truth be told, she really didn't care who she upended or hurt along the way.  She couldn't.   It would have taken the focus off of her.

We witness this type of behavior often. Whether it is the national political scene or some Real Housewife drama. . .or that person at work. . .we see individuals stirrin' up stuff with the sole purpose of keeping themselves in the spotlight.

It is the drama of ME!

These narcissists hijack whatever positive narrative there is or should be.   They do not perceive collaboration to be in their best interest because, you see, this would allow others to momentarily bask in the limelight.

The truth that the world is about a collective, not one individual, does not serve the narcissist well.   Since they are at odds with the truth, they lie. They create their own stories or hijack the narrative to assure that they are not only recognized, but that they are the sole recipient of everyone's attention.

Why is this  dangerous?   Because no matter what enterprise we are engaged in - we are not there to serve the needs of one person.    If a narcissist is hijacking the narrative - that becomes exactly what we are doing and the mission of the enterprise and everyone's attention to it are lost.

So what should we do?   It is somewhat of a Catch 22 - because if we actively combat - we are doing exactly what these self-centered individuals wish by focusing attention on them.   So here are the antidotes:

• Continue to be universally aware and responsive to the needs and opportunities that present themselves daily.   In other words, act upon the fact that our world is made up of many individuals who are truly deserving of attention for legitimate reasons.
• Pay attention to other people;  in fact, over-index on paying attention to other people.
• Don't let someone hijack your story or make it about themselves.   Assure that as many people as possible understand the facts  and the appeal of your story.
• Hold the narcissist responsible by revoking their privilege:   whether that means not paying attention, administering positive corrective action or even exiting them from their position - get this individual  in-line or get them out.   They are toxic.

The world and the work is not about one person.  It should never be "The Drama of ME," but instead it should be "The Importance and Work of US."

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.