Practical Advice for Dealing with the Insecure

There are few  traits that are as damaging to a work team as personal and professional insecurity.  It is a quicksand that swallows individuals;  it becomes a sinkhole of inefficiency.

At first, it may be difficult to recognize the insecure individual;  they are usually covered with a (very thin) veneer of seemingly endless ego and bravado.   Their constant use of any derivative of the first person ("Me,"  "I,"  "Me," "My," "Me," oh, and "Me")   is usually a dead giveaway as is their lack of trust and seeming inability to get along with the rest of the world.  You will also find that the insecure team player creates a lot of drama.   Why?    It brings the focus to them versus another team player or another issue.   

What is the danger here?    The insecure individual  often is singularly concerned about how everything impacts them - consequently,  the efforts of the team and the enterprise goals are diminished.   Not only does this invalidate the remainder of the workplace (which is a terrible waste of payroll, not to mention human talent) but it also gets in the way of true accomplishment.

So, what do you do?

If you work with one of these individuals, do not get "sucker punched" into playing their game.  Don't engage, but instead, play the team's game.  Make sure that the remainder of the team moves forward to meet their goals.  You need to ignore the desire of one for constant attention and constantly re-create focus around the business and the remainder of the workplace.

Speaking of the remainder of the workplace, work diligently to assure that others' voices   are heard and  validated.   Insecure individuals can set the stage and culture that everything is about them - and the rest of the workplace tends to believe it.     You need to, more than in a normal situation, pay attention to and praise the remainder of the team.

If you are in a position to coach an insecure individual - you need to walk the fine line of praising that which is truly praiseworthy and consistently work to eliminate that which is unnecessary.   Focus the conversation to the work at hand and the goals of the team.  Consider professional coaching for the individual - and I mean true, at-the-heart-of-the-matter personal and professional development;  in extreme situations, make it a condition of employment.

In a team environment, there is too much at stake to allow the insecurities of one to diminish the satisfaction of many.  Focus on  mutual goals with an fair emphasis on each member of the contributing team.

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Brent Frerichs is the author of "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" available from Amazon Kindle.  If you are a member of Amazon Prime, you can read this book for free.