What You Don't Know

 In helping other managers understand their team's behavior, I often find myself reaching for the most frustrating and consoling and most truthful answer that is available:   "You don't know what you don't know."

The statement itself is obvious in its simplicity; why then is it necessary to come back to this when facing challenges and opportunities in the workplace?  Or home?   Or anywhere for that matter?

By our very nature, our first assessment of a situation is how it impacts us:   am I in danger?   What is being said about me?   Why are they responding that way to my presence?  Our second fallback position is that the reaction we are receiving is about the subject at hand.   Here's the truth:  it's not all about you or me.   That person who is interacting with us has hundreds of background stories and a myriad of things going on in their life. . .it is that history and series of current events that are forming the team member's reaction.

That barely-concealed-look-of frustration that you perceive when you tell Mark that he and Susan need to do a second round of work on the Sinclair project is probably not about you. . .it may not even be about the Sinclair project.     It may be that Mark was  trying to plan a three day getaway and this new volley of work just shot that down.  It may be that Mark has a child who is struggling in school and needs more time at home.  It may be that Mark's dad who he hasn't seen in a bazillion years is coming to town.   Maybe Mark would prefer not to work with Susan (again!) or he knows that Susan has other priorities and he is concerned for her welfare.   You just don't know all of this stuff. . .unless you take time to inquire about  this stuff.

It is not a leader's prerogative to interfere in the teams' personal lives;   it is a leader's responsibility to be as multi-dimensional as possible in what they know.   So, when you get THAT response from Mark - you may want to: "Hmm, that's not the happiest of looks - is the Sinclair project do-able for you at the moment?"  Or, "Before you get started, let's talk about everything else that is going on."   By gleaning information, you are able to craft strong, sensible solutions.

It is impossible to know everything you don't know.   But, the leader who takes the time to collect information and use that information for the positive good of the team is the leader who people want to follow.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.