The Velcro Conversation

Velcro is a tremendously effective and easy fastening tool. . .as long as it has something to stick to.  Simply put, one side of Velcro is the "hook" whereas the other side is a "loop" into which the hook can engage.  To truly be effective you need both components.

Often when contemplating a conversation, we are using just one side of the Velcro.    We prepare, or perhaps even get anxious over, what we are going to say.    We  have points we wish to deliver. . . things that need to be said. . .something we need to get off our chest.    And that is only one side of the Velcro.   If you want your conversation to stick, you truly need the other side of the Velcro - and that other side of the conversation is your ability to listen.

Equally important, or perhaps more important than talking, is the ability to listen.  When preparing for a conversation, do we prepare ourselves to listen?

We should plan to hear both the expected and the unexpected. . .what we will like and perhaps not like so much.  We need to be open and alert and to some degree, vulnerable.   But when you think about it - that's a pretty exciting prospect.

We also need to be prepared to facilitate listening.    Let's face it, often peer to peer conversations can be awkward. . .perhaps even more awkward is the  conversation between a leader and a team member.    It's an uneven playing field and the onus to facilitate listening falls to the leader.  So, how is that done?  

When preparing to speak, we often have mental or literal bullet points.   Likewise, when preparing to listen, we should have mental or literal questions.    Think of questions that  give you knowledge of the team member and the workplace.   From the team member's point of view, what questions will truly engage them and give them the ability to tell you the important information you need to know?

Conversations should be both sides - both the talking and listening.   It's what makes a conversation, and a business relationship, stick together.

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.