Absolution from "Shoulds"

Properly defined, the word "should" is in the middle of the spectrum that at one end  is "I choose to float through life on a unicorn and responsibility is a word that I don't understand" and on the other extreme is "I HAVE TO SAVE THE WORLD AND THERE ISN'T ANYONE WHO CARES BUT ME!"   "Should", property defined, expresses respect and ownership.   A few of the proper uses of the word would be:

"I should care about others less fortunate than me."
"I should be ethical."
"I should put the toilet seat down."

Many of us, however, suffer from over-indexing on "should" to the extreme, and in the process, become so tied up in anxiety that it becomes nearly impossible to function, not to mention having the ability to do all of the good things we wish to do.  "Should" should be good.  "Should" should have balance.  With that in mind, let me offer absolution to some "shoulds" that you may be experiencing.

"I should enjoy my job and I feel guilty because I don't."  Stop it.   You should be grateful you have an income, but don't confuse that with enjoying your job.   I believe work is meant to be enjoyed, but some jobs don't offer that satisfaction.  If yours doesn't, don't guilt yourself into believing it does.   Find yourself a better job.

"I should be able to work an 8-10 hour day, come home, spend time with the kids, cook dinner, exercise, serve on the neighborhood board and still find some me-time. . ."  Nope.  You are officially absolved.  You may be tired, irritable and exhausted. . .because that's what any normal person would be.

"I should be able to afford a better house/car/second house/better wardrobe/send my kid to an Ivy League school/retire at age 45. . ."    Whoa, whoa, whoa.  All this becomes longing for that which probably can't be. . .at least, all at once.  Find joy in what you do have. . .more will come. . .all in good time.

"I should be a better friend."  I don't know what that means.   If there is an actionable specific, like "I should set aside a little more time to spend with my best friend," that's good.  Any "should" that is vague is not actionable - and that doesn't help anyone.

"I should be thinner/more punctual/a better driver/a thriftier shopper/a world traveler. . ."  There is a difference between aspirations and "shoulds" that drive you crazy.   If you aspire to something, that's a goal to reach.   To position such statements as "shoulds"   suggests you're negligent, which isn't the case.

"I should have less 'shoulds' in my life."   This would be a proper use of the word "should."

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My book "Courageous Questions, Confident Leaders" is available on Amazon Kindle.