Outlook - AKA. . .?

I think people hate e-mail because people abuse e-mail.  Perhaps companies should just change Outlook to suit the needs of the chronic e-mail abusers. . .


ATTENTION ALL TEAM MEMBERS
Our committed members of "Efficiency 2018 Committee" have made their recommendations.  One of these will be fully implemented next Friday.  We are permanently disabling the "Reply" button on Outlook.  No one is using it anyway and it seems misleading to leave it active - it only leads our people to false hopes that someone will read their efforts and possibly respond. . .

or. . .

GOOD NEWS - "REPLY ALL" JUST GOT EASIER!
Great news from our IT department.      Since all of you just hit the "Reply All" button regardless - this is now going to be your only choice.  But wait, it's enhanced - not only will it "Reply All" to each addressee, but your witty commentary will be sent to every individual within our eco-universe.  You may also add a custom list so that your reply will also go to your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins, members of your church, people you see in the grocery store. . .all of the people who hang on each and  every word that disgorges from your keyboard!

or. . .

OUTLOOK IS NOW "PROJECT MISSILE LAUNCH"
In recognition of those who prefer a passive aggressive style of communication, this new name pays tribute to all of you who carefully avoid confrontation like the plague but choose instead to craft poison pen e-mails in the cave-like atmosphere of your dank, dark cubicle.    You may then gleefully launch these flaming bombs not only to the addressee but also cc anyone else who you want to impress with your ultimate villainy.

but wait, there's more. . .the enhanced version is

OUTLOOK IS NOW "WORLD AT WAR WITHOUT END"
Due to the tremendous success of Project Missile Launch, we offer an enhanced version so that both authors and responders can engage in non-stop verbal warfare using the longest, most rational-free sentences in the universe.  Program offers auto-insert of popular, inflammatory phrases like, "I smite thee" or "May the wrath of our accounts payable department rain hot coals upon your head."   Unlimited response privileges - it can go on for hours. . .days. . .years, even!  

OUTLOOK WILL NOW STRENGTHEN YOUR WORKING RELATIONSHIPS
"How is this possible, you ask?"  Simple.  If your e-mail extends beyond 5 concise paragraphs or should be replaced with a personal conversation, Outlook will automatically disable your keyboard, forcing you to forsake a digital word salad for what should be a face to face interaction.

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